Woodpeckers Rant
Normally I don’t get involved in other people’s business, but today I’m feeling a little sassy. Yeah that’s right….sassy. I recently received my periodic E-Club newsletter from Woodpeckers. In addition to the great deals within, this particular newsletter contained a few light-hearted tool definitions and I was delighted to see them. Previously, these newsletters were all business and it was great to see a little personality come out. The jokes weren’t even that funny, but I give them an A for effort. I have copied the jokes here for your reading pleasure:
DRILL PRESS – A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL – Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, “Oh, ****!”
SKILL SAW – A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIER – Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blisters.
A fellow woodworker sent us a list of some valuable woodworking definitions that we thought you would enjoy! We will be sharing them with you over the next few weeks.
Much to my disappointment I just received a mass-apology from the company’s president stating “…..some of you were offended by the humor. It was never our intention to offend anyone, so please accept our sincere apology.” Sigh……..
Now I’m no fool when it comes to business and I understand Woodpeckers need to protect their assets by not offending what is likely to be a very vocal minority. But how about a little reality check here. *Rant mode on*: Are you flippin’ kidding me?!?! Norm forbid a company show a pinch of personality or an ounce of humanity! The jokes in that newsletter are just about as innocent as you can get and they harm absolutely no one. Do these people really have nothing more important to worry about? The fact is that the people who complained about this have never really experienced what it is to be truly “offended”.
I don’t know about you guys, but I am much more likely to support and purchase product from a company that has personality and is actively involved in the community. It really pains me to see a company like Woodpeckers retract their harmless jokes and go back to “business as usual”.
So I have a little favor to ask. Since the thousands of people who probably enjoyed those jokes are not likely to speak up, I think we should let Woodpeckers know how you feel about a company showing, *gasp*, a little sense of humor. Are you more likely to buy from a company that does this? Show your support by subscribing to their E-Club Newsletter or send them a quick email: mailroom@woodpeck.com
*Rant Mode Off*
FYI, I have absolutely no affiliation with Woodpeckers and this is my personal commentary. But since I make a living with off-color humor and antics, this really struck a nerve with me. If you agree, let Woodpeckers know! If you disagree and you are offended by this post: SUCK IT UP!!!
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That is absolutely one of the dumbest things I’ve heard in a long time! The reaction of the ‘complainers’, not Marc’s article.
I subscribe to the newsletter, but hadn’t read it yet. I just got it now and read it and laughed. Really. I laughed! Especially the drill press and skill saw ones got me.
Life is WAY too serious to not have a sense of humor people!
My 2 cents.
I’d really like to get a hold of folks like these whiners, snap back into my old Marine Corps days and show them what truly offensive jokes, comments and name calling really are. Jokes like these I would tell to my 4 year old. He may not laugh, but it’s definitely not anything that his young ears need to be protected from.
Losers.
OMG! what kind of person could possibly be offended by that. I say, if you’re not offending someone then you better take a good look at what you stand for. I know that companies are not people and that they must survive economically, but what’s next? Amazon takes certain books off their list because they offend someone? Walmart taking a tshirt off the shelves because the slogan “someday a woman will be President” offends some Texans? Libraries pulling books off shelves because they seem to promote a different religion? … wait all those things have already happened.
The First Amendment of the Constitution grants us all free speech because sometimes the hard truths are offensive to people. I do realize that this is a long leap, but these things start with little bites away at freedoms.
In the immortal words of Lenny Bruce, “If you can’t say f***, you can’t say f*** the government,” Finally, as Larry Flint said in his obsenity trial, “I’d rather live in a country where you could wrap yourself in the Constitution and burn the flag than in one that you can Wrap yourself in the flag and burn the Constitution”
Peace.
I have to agree with you, Marc. I saw the first email, and then a short time later, the “apology” email. Since I’m not as “sassy” :) as you are, I just shook my head, muttered something, and deleted it. I really can’t believe that there was someone that had the nerve to complain about a harmless and only mildly funny joke. Grumpy people like that should just stay home and shut up. Remember what Thumper said – “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Brian
Shocking. Over here we call people like that ‘Victor Meldrew’s’. Interfering old busy bodies with no life other than to attack people for being a little different. Our main woodworking retailer used to print similar amusing comments in their catalogue and stopped all of a sudden, I guess for the same reason. Woodpeckers is a quality innovative retailer who have had and will continue to have my custom.
I couldn’t agree more. I was extremely excited when I found this site. Finally a guy MY AGE with a similar sense of humor and science background doing what I love to do. Don’t get me wrong, I owe my love of woodworking to Norm and David Marks, but they’re dry as a bone. Our creativity as craftsmen extends far beyond our projects. The reason why these definitions are funny is BECAUSE THEY’RE TRUE! Who hasn’t cut a board too short or had less than adequate grip on a piece they were drilling? We can all laugh at that because we are in essence LAUGHING AT OURSELVES. This humor is in no way enjoyed at another’s expense. We should all tell Woodpeckers to lighten up.
Oh yeah, Marc’s in Dennis Miller mode. I thought the jokes were fine. It’s not just here but everywhere. The whiners and complainers are ruining the country. These are the same kind of people whose kids are destroying a store or disrupting a restaurant without any discipline from the parents. These are the people that sue people for anything. These are people that have never admired the perfect shaving from a plane or looked at a woodpile and see a beautiful bowl.
I too am amazed at people who apparently have no life.
I will miss the regular jokes from Woodpeckers as I was looking forward to getting them.
Mark maybe you can find out who sent them the jokes and publish them here.
i am not going to stop the E-letter from Woodpeckers
I think that you summed it all up in the last line, “SUCK IT UP!!” I come from the Army where if you don’t have thick skin, you just aren’t going to cut it. I cant even imagine the kind of person that would find those kinds of jokes “offensive.” If they didn’t like that, I guess they should stay out of the chat room during “Adult Swim.”
Sac aka Chuck Isaacson
I read their newsletter and had no issue. When I got their apology I was dumbstruck not having any idea what they were talking about. How could anyone take offense to those? I was looking forward to more in their future newsletters.
I agree with Woodpeckers Rant. Yes – I am a girl and I do like to handle a tool now and again (tool as in something used to help me hang a picture – not a tool as in male)so even I thought they were funny! Cheers
Nancy, your post is all I know of you and I alredy like you!
I didn’t realize they were jokes. In my hands, those tools behave exactly as described. :@)
Oops — I made a joke!
Seriously, it takes just a few people with overly thin skins to run things for everyone.
The more I get into woodworking, the more I become aware of a large segment of poseurs. Woodworking poseurs are people who talk a lot about woodworking. They post many an opinion, almost exclusively negative, on woodworking forums. They attend woodworking demonstrations and offer their “enlightened” knowledge which is inevitably counter to whatever is being presented. These poseurs claim to have accomplished amazing feats of craftsmanship. They will wax about the $750,000 of European or Old American Iron machines they have in their 5,800 square foot shops. Yet, curiously, these poseurs seem to do very little, if any, actual woodworking. And, now I know they also write to Woodpecker in order to complain about a little levity in the newsletter.
This goes to show there are Pharisees everywhere. I like Marc’s idea. Let’s write Woodpecker with positive feedback. Fight the poseurs! Fight the Pharisees!
(Insert photos of torch-bearing freedom fighters here.)
Sad world in which we live when someone can be offended by those few simple jokes. What this world needs is a little more humor.
I’m definitely on the side of Marc. What could possibly be offending by those jokes? (email sent).
I actually saw the apology first which sent me looking immediately the email in question. Those definitions are GREAT! I really enjoyed them and strongly believe that whoever complained about these should seriously “Lighten Up!”
As a small business owner myself I know how important it is to not offend my customers & prospects, but a little levity once in a while, properly applied, taking your audience into consideration, never hurt.
Woodworkers, offended by tool jokes… I don’t get it…
I got the apology too, but I had already deleted the email, and hadn’t read them. Really…those were the jokes…wow…someone needs to get a life.
I think I am offended by their apology…
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it was probably someone from SKILL trying to protect the brand image.
That’s exactly what I was thinking!
Well, sort of. I was thinking of all the drill press etc. makers sending in, because they were “offended”
when will the stupidity stop?
I completely agree. That happened with Heroes once: on the first season they showed someone shoving their arm in a garbage disposal, and the show got cease-and-desist letters from the company that made it. I bet the employees of the company were the only ones that noticed the brand name, and I doubt anyone on that newsletter was going to avoid buying something because of a joke!
This list was recently posted on another woodworking blog… I thought it was hillarious and even “shared” through my google reader.
http://dorsetcustomfurniture.b.....fined.html
Anyone who doesn’t see the humor in this list has a 2×4 stuck someplace unfortunate.
Well said Marc! I have sent my email to Woodpeck expressing my disbelief that some idiots are missing their funny gene! I understand that they have to be careful with their customers, but seriously who are these people, are they rock dwelling crabs that only come when they something nasty to say! Here ends my rant!
I personally agree with the people who objected to the jokes. I for one find no humor in the descriptions of people being maimed and using using foul language. After all, this was a woodworking newsletter not a joke fest.
Gazinga,
Sheldon
Did you read the same jokes as I did, because there was no offensive language in mine! I think you recieved a different newsletter.
Thats because you don’t know who Sheldon is or what gazinga means.
Just a TV insider joke.
So you are telling me that someone other than my wife watches that show?? ;)
What, you too good for science geek humor? Too close to home?
haha, no. I love CLEVER geek humor. And I really thought I would like the show. But it felt like it was trying way too hard to be geek-friendly, and thus did not tickle my easily-tickled funny bone. I pictured the writers saying, “Lets have them use smart phones and say things like Twitter and Facebook and geeks will LOVE IT!”
Admittedly, I only made it through half of Season 1 before bailing. Should I give it another shot?
It would seem Gazinga and Sheldon are poseurs and Pharisees!
I couldn’t believe it when I received the apology e-mail. I sent them an e-mail telling them that I enjoy the sense of humor.
I’d like them to publish the complaints and we could all have another good laugh!
I’m offended that you took the name of Norm in vain.
Dennis
Oh for Norm’s sake!
Watch it Marc! The wood gods may give you a splinter. LOL
I would be curious to know how a group that is so anal-retentive about being offensive could have ever chosen a name like “Woodpeckers”.
Or is it just me?
DD
Nice point – made me laugh hard enough my hubby came in to see what was soooo funny..
“As a comic, in all seriousness” let me say that those jokes were actually pretty good… especially this one:
“SKILL SAW – A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.”
Snappy, relatable, and has a “k” in it… “k” being the funniest letter, as we know.
I’m deeply outraged that, even while defending them, you said these jokes “weren’t even that funny”… okay, maybe not “deeply” outraged… more of a mock outrage…
I agree wholeheartedly that the apology was totally unnecessary. If some peoples’ tempers flare over such trivial jokes, imagine what happens when they cut on the wrong side of the pencil line? Or, better yet, they put glue on the wrong side of a part? Do they throw their table saw? Or crash through the shop door in a Hulk-esque rampage? Sure, woodworking, be it hobby or professional, is a serious endeavor. But COME ON! Like we all haven’t had a wire wheel throw a part into the next dimension, or have a drill press give us a high five with some metal. How can woodworking be enjoyable if people are so tense?
I am surprised that someone who would be offended by those jokes are not also offended by the name Woodpecker itself…
Marc – I would like to give you a wholehearted standing E-ovation! Great post and I for one am happy to see you comment on this incident.
*chants* SUCK IT UP!! SUCK IT UP!! SUCK IT UP!!
I have to admit, my first thought upon receiving the email was that I don’t need Woodpeckers, who I have ordered from multiple times, wasting my time with ridiculous jokes I have seen on multiple forums.
However, that lasted only about 10 seconds until I realized that I could really use one of their miter bars they also listed in the email.
So, even though it didn’t really appeal to me, the fact that some were so offended or put off by the jokes that they couldn’t bite their tongue and let it go is dumbfounding.
Sent E-mail and signd up. Enjoyed the rant. Amazing how a few load offended people can change things we enjoy. Thanks for the opportunity to give us a positive voice to put things right Marc.
Yeah the jokes weren’t really that funny, and I agree with you Mark. It’s important to me that Woodpecker makes their interactions with their customers more personal. Great post Marc.
Maybe this is the time for some “You know your a woodworker if…” jokes.
Really? No come on, really? Ummm ok Marc was being polite when he said suck it up, I say just plain SUCK IT.
Amen brotha! what a bunch of uptight um…peckers.
I agree with you whoe heartedly. Actually, I wasn’t going to buy anything this go around from them, BUT, in honor of all the people who have no lives and are offended, I am going TO make a purchase from them. And, when I write the check, in the memo field, I am putting, “In honor of the people with no minds who don’t deserve to be in our hobby”.
I am going to use those tools with PRIDE and LAUGH at the morons who were offended everytime I mark a piece of wood.
What I would REALLY like to see, is one of the “offended” people have the b@ll$ to post something here as to what EXACTLY offended them and WHY? But, people like that are never that brave. They have views in public, but are waaaaay too cowardice to actually confront someone about it.
I find it offensive that you’re offended by those offended at the original offender.
I think….
Marc – good call on posting your thoughts. I would add that there is no way to do something without somebody getting upset. For example, I was astonished by a fellow coworker that he gets offended when I say OMG! So, it’s up to Woodpeckers to make a careful assessment of the possible reaction and their follow up stance to it.
IMO, there was no reason for WP to apologize or discontinue these jokes. There are companies doing much worse things and doing very well in their business.
I’m offended by how OLD those jokes are.
OLD!!!!
I easily found posts on various forums as old as 2005, so I’m sure it’s even older than that!
(It’s a pretty good list, though)
I absolutely agree…and…When was it exactly when we started letting the “minority” rule everything we say and do in this world? I’ve run across so many instances lately and keep asking the same question. It’s all over the news and this is just another example of some fool needing attentions and knowing this is how they can get some. I just don’t understand it. I agree wholeheartedly with you Marc.
Some people are born with no sense of humor.
Cheers Marc!!! I am glad to see someone speaking their mind. I too was very confused by the apology. Time to ditch the bad apples and have a sense of humor. These people need to loosen up.
I’m not surprised. ‘happened to me once: I sent out a “top 10″ joke list to an email list; I heard later from the list administrator that someone had complained that it was an “insult” to the organization associated with the list, as I wasn’t taking it sufficiently seriously. Believe me, they were only light-hearted humourous observations that didn’t mention any particular person.
Some people have just no sense of humour. And it only takes one person to complain. I can see how the bit about the DP and beer would set off the “NeoProhibitionists” (oops, I probably just offended them). ;)
Hey man , i’m offended that your not offended!!
*sighs*
….
People have too much time on their hands. Instead of moaning and crying about anything and everything they should just go into the shop and make something. You got my vote Marc. And after all, what would life be like without some humor?
I must have been feeling sassy too, as I told him certain choice words (A synonym for “urine” and the opposite of “on”) that he should tell the people who were offended :-)
Marc, when I saw your tweet about this on Friday, I immediately went to sign up for the newsletter. After that, I sent them an e-mail stating my support for their humor. I got a response from Debbie this morning, thanking me for my support – a nice touch.
Companies have to have thicker skin in this social media/networking environment.
However, very well known business marketing professionals would agree that one should not deviate from the core message at the risk of offending people, expecting expertise in one field to translate into another, and simply wasting the valuable few seconds people have to make a decision.
Examples: Donald Trump (famous comments on comediennes), Madonna (comments on adoption), Richard Branson (too many causes), and Al Gore (economy).
Personally, I believe the “marketing professionals” are dead wrong.
However, you wont see me recommend wasting the first few lines of a direct marketing email with jokes…get the audience focused on the deals, Woodpeckers! Put the jokes at the end…
People with no sense of humor really grind my gears.
I was catching up on my email just last night and saw those emails and felt just like you Mark. No one could have been offended by their humor, not even the Pope. If they want to see some bad stuff, they should go to some of the political sites I sometimes haunt!
I hope they continue and I will send them an email as well.
I received the next email from woodpeckers and they had a link to the rest of the definitions.
I think that is getting bad, when a few can take something as simple as this away from so many that could use a harmless laugh. Thank you for posting this so everyone can enjoy it.
Tool Definitions
DRILL PRESS :
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL :
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, “Oh, ****!”
SKILL SAW :
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS :
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER :
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW :
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle … It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS :
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH :
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW :
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK :
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW :
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST :
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER :
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER :
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR :
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER :
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER :
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit usually smashing the thumb that is holding the object that you are trying to pound into whatever it is that you are working on effectively eliminating the need for manicure care on that thumbnail for weeks.
See: Son of a gun TOOL.
UTILITY KNIFE :
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a gun TOOL :
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, “Son of a gun!” at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.